pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
A+ Viking dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
