The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize