she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bring money and cleavage
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
