yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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