so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize