You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is my gift to your gina
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
