Well apparently he's into motor boating.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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