She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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