so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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