We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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