Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
