She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
