You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
