I'm so fucking centered right now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I need moral support for this bender
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize