You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
