Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
