Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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