I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
