Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
