Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
