You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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