I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
