i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
