Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
