i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
