Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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