hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
