My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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