Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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