I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love you.
Bad choice
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize