I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
