4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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