Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize
