wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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