hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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