sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
