I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
