I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
