I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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