Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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