i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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