My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
