What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
