I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
