if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
