Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
