i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
