my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
