the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
