I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
