Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
