So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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