all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
