I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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