I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
