I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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