i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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