I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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