You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
