the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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