I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
