It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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