brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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