i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
